


The Zombie Dilemma

by Netgirl_y2k



Category: Legend of the Seeker
Genre: Crack, Gen, Zombies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-08
Updated: 2010-11-08
Packaged: 2017-10-13 03:13:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/132229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Netgirl_y2k/pseuds/Netgirl_y2k
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cara runs a gauntlet of emotions, also a gauntlet of zombies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Zombie Dilemma

_Boredom._

After the Keeper's defeat, the journey to Aydindril took three times as long as it should have done. If it wasn't every last farmer in the Midlands wanting to personally shake the Seeker's hand and buy him a drink, then it was Richard and Kahlan going for long _walks_ by themselves.

It wasn't that Cara was in any great rush to get to Aydindril, but this was getting ridiculous.

 

 _Fondness._

Richard and Kahlan's wedding was ludicrous. Richard grinned so hard that his face was in danger of freezing like that, and the way he and Kahlan gazed at each other... If another human being ever looked at Cara like that she'd poke their eye out.

"Everything all right, Cara?" Zedd asked.

Cara blinked the tear away. "Something in my eye."

"Ah. Of course."

"Shut up, Wizard."

 

 _Familiarity._

"What did you say your name was?" Cara asked the barmaid at the wedding reception.

"Dahlia," said the woman with a smile. She looked very familiar, but Cara couldn't know her. Cara never forgets people. More accurately, people don't forget _Cara._

Cara wouldn't mind getting to know her, though. Dahlia is very beautiful and doesn't look like she'd be prone to the sort of soppy looks that Richard and Kahlan excel at.

She smiled back.

 

 _Surprise._

Cara was woken in the middle of the night by a woman creeping into her bedroom.

 

 _Disappointment._

It was not Dahlia.

 

 _Recognition._

Cara already had her Agiels in hand. "Your magic doesn't work on me, Nicci."

"You and everyone else." Nicci tilted her head and even in the dark Cara could see the flash of a Rada'Han around her throat.

"What do you want?"

"The same thing as you do, Cara. I want to kill Darken Rahl."

Cara gave Nicci a quick jab with an Agiel. "All right. Let's go and speak to Lord Rahl."

"Shouldn't you put some clothes on first? I like it, but Richard always seemed a little prudish."

Cara rolled her eyes and reached for a robe.

 

 _Pride._

"You shouldn't go alone," Richard told Cara as she prepared the horses for their journey. Cara gave him a look that implied that she was only too happy to wait for him to learn to count up to two. "With only Nicci, I mean. I should send some soldiers with you. I do command an army now."

"An army that's just as likely to be loyal to Darken Rahl as to you."

"Kahlan has guards."

"That she needs here in case Rahl attacks Aydindril. Richard, I'll be fine. I can more than handle Nicci."

"Normally I'd come with you, but with Kahlan being with child..." Richard trailed off with a stupid smile.

"Your face will freeze like that, you know," Cara told him.

 

 _Schadenfreude._

Their first order of business was getting the Rada'Han off.

Nicci knelt in front of the anvil. She was bent nearly double with her cheek pressed against the metal - which, actually, wasn't the worst position in the world for her - while Cara selected a chisel and a hammer from the array of tools.

"Isn't that going to hurt your friend?" asked the blacksmith whose forge they'd co-opted.

"Let's find out," said Cara, swinging the hammer above her head.

Nicci flinched. Cara laughed.

 

 _Satisfaction._

They were ambushed by a squadron of D'Haran soldiers loyal to Darken Rahl. Cara had fun. The soldiers made an entirely satisfactory crunching noise when they went down.

Nicci leaned against a tree and sent bolts of magical lightening at the occasional - very occasional - D'Haran who escaped Cara's Agiels.

Cara thought that was just cheating.

 

 _Frustration._

"I think I like this body better than my old one," said Nicci after they'd made camp for the night.

Actually, Cara liked it better too... No. Absolutely not. Nicci had nearly killed Kahlan with the Maternity Spell. She was not that desperate. She'd never be that desperate.

 

 _Confusion._

They were attacked by a squadron of D'Harans. The same squadron of D'Harans as yesterday, actually. They moved awkwardly on obviously broken limbs, some of them sported burns from Nicci's enchanted lightening, and one of them had a hole in his chest that Cara could see straight through.

Okay. Death in the Midlands wasn't what it used to be. But still...

Cara looked sideways at Nicci. "What aren't you telling me?"

"Well, for one thing... Duck!"

Cara dropped to her knees just in time as an axe whipped through the air where her neck had recently been.

Cara rolled and came to her feet with her Agiels in hand. Nicci would keep. Right now she some D'Harans to kill. Properly.

 

 _Irritation._

Cara tied Nicci to a tree, which was fun. And while she was tied up, Cara took the opportunity to get some answers out of her.

"What." She began, punctuating each word with a tap from her Agiel. "Is. Going. On?"

"Rahl wanted to use Banelings to attack the Seeker."

"Those weren't Banelings," Cara noted.

"Rahl isn't exactly the Keeper's favourite person right now, he wouldn't release the souls from the underworld. Rahl decided he didn't need their souls, only their bodies."

"And where exactly did he find a sorceress powerful enough to animate corpses?"

"I didn't do it for fun, you know. I had a series of interesting discussions with your former sisters about just what can be done with an Agiel."

Cara casually drew her Agiel away from Nicci.

"Are you going to untie me or not, Cara?"

"Later. Maybe," said Cara with a smirk.

 

 _Nostalgia._

In the nearest town they found a wizard with an enchanted mirror that would allow them to communicate with Zedd.

"It sounds like a Zombiefication Spell."

"I know that," said Cara, glaring at Nicci. "How do I kill them?"

"The only way to destroy a true zombie," said Zedd, "is to cut the head off."

 

 _Frustration (redux)._

You try decapitating a grown man with an Agiel. Go on, just try it.

 

 _Anger._

Outnumbered twenty to two by unkillable zombies, Nicci disappeared in a swirl of magic.

If Cara ever saw her again she was going to show her a few things that could be done with an Agiel that Rahl's Mord'Sith wouldn't have known about.

 

 _Gratitude._

Seconds after she vanished Nicci reappeared holding two long handled axes. She threw one to Cara, who caught it, swung it in a wide arc and took off the heads of two and a half zombies.

That was more like it.

 

 _Annoyance._

A jet of fire shot from Nicci's fingers, crumbling two zombies to ash.

"Why didn't you say you could do that before?" demanded Cara.

Nicci shrugged. "You looked like you were having fun."

 

 _Anticipation._

The road to the People's Palace was crawling with zombies. In some cases quite literally, the last bright spark to travel the road had hacked some of them off at the knees.

Cara gripped the axe in one hand and an Agiel in the other. "First one to the Palace gets to kill Darken Rahl?"

Nicci laughed and set off at a run.


End file.
